I can't sleep.
Reality is a nightmare I can't escape.
I can't eat.
Food lost its flavor long ago.
I can't think.
Voices are too loud.
I can't breathe.
Air became toxic.
I can't live.
Life is no longer possible.
is my brain.
is my heart.
is my life.
is my death.
is my dream.
is the rest.
Discovering My InsideI don't want to die
I need to live
I don't want to leave
I have to stay
I don't want to be alone
But I need to find myself first
I don't like you
I Love you
Faces Don't ChangeFlipping through primary school yearbooks,
the faces of the children I grew up with
are cemented in perfect, smiling innocence.
Each page turn revives a memory of recess days
playing Red Rover, best friends I thought I'd
have forever, and teachers that actually cared.
But here come the Middle School yearbooks
with motionless, black and white pictures
of the awkward stage of pure adolescences.
There's a picture of my first crush
smiling gleefully into the camera
as he tries his best to look perfect.
To my left is the yearbook of Freshman year
where everyone's smile tried it's hardest
to look natural, but still seemed faked.
Green and gold was the color scheme of our
school pride and everyone wore it proudly
like a knight's armor at every football game.
Flipping back to my primary days forever
immortalized in black and white, I start to
realize that over time those people changed.
There's the picture of my best friend
who feigned stupidity to get attention.
Two down from her is the girl
Last YearsIn five years,
four hearts became broken,
three people's lives changed forever,
two eyes leaked rainstorm tears,
one little girl learned to grow up alone, and
zero people will forget her.
Every Promise BrokenSinking down into
the mind's deep abyss,
memories of nights passed
scroll across my eyelids.
Farther down I fall,
the harder I struggle to breath.
Your deep, brown eyes crowd my vision
and replay every moment of us.
The times you held my hand tightly,
pulling me along,
only drags me down further.
There goes my sight as I am plunged
deeper into the darkness.
I can no longer see your face,
but your voice echoes throughout my ears,
"I love you always and forever."
Faster I dive until my ears pop,
leaving me deaf.
The first kiss you laid upon my lips
suffocates me as I remember your touch.
My breath is stopped for so long
that my body forgets pain,
All that is left is Nothing
where I spend the rest of my time
Promises Last A LifetimeOutside my car the rain continues to batter down upon the Earth. Seeming as though it's attempting to awaken the Dead below, I count the minutes until I arrive. Three more miles up the road and this will all come to an end. Is that what I honestly want?
On the radio, men on the talk show broadcast, "-and that movie, John, will be coming out on August 22nd." Widened eyes, I pull the car over along the broken sidewalk. My chest heaves heavily up and down while it tries to allow the rest of my body to quiver. Tears fight to break through my closed eyelids. I can't let myself fall apart, not now, not again. Opening my eyes I stare and ahead of me the memory replays through a rain-covered windshield.
"Natalie! Come on! They're here!" Nathan shouted far ahead of me. I raced around the fallen trees with leaves reaching to grab me and over the trickling creek singing the forest’s lullaby, trying to keep pace with him. Nighttime clouded my vision causing me to only see within a few steps
Never DefeatedNothing left
except the world.
but never beaten
to forever fight.
Demons HiddenI never knew true pain
until I looked into your eyes.
Memories filmed in sepia
within your bottomless pupils.
shatter the silence.
flood my sight.
Blood paints the walls thick
crimson to match your own body.
Screams he wants to silence.
Tears he needs to dry.
Blood he has to hide.
Now disappear behind the walls
from where they were created.
There was him,
Taken from the broken pieces
from where he once grew.
Now he walks heavy with demons at his back,
waiting for them to strike at his own people,
These Words Aren't PrettyThese Words Aren't Pretty:
My verses are ugly and I admit to the fact
I can't use pretty language when I'm working with rap
Because the things that I write, are just the things that I feel
I ain't an Edgar Allan Poe or a Danielle Steel
And I'll be honest with you, I've got an envy inside
Because some poets got a flow that's as smooth as the tide
I read some stuff that they write, it's just so dope I ignite
Burning shame and my anger at the beautiful sight
And like birds of a feather, they're flocking together
These poets are the Gods and I'm nailed by the weather
But as the rain pours down, lightning resound;
I try to write pretty words but my lips remain bound
So deeply silenced by fear - the darkness I hear,
Afraid to be unloved by the ones I hold dear
I've hit the limit of time; my lyrical crime
These words that I've lived are just turning to grime.
So I wish I had their talent; just a sliver of that
If their skill was a mountain then I've broken my back
It's like t
You didn't dare.She smiled,
but it was fake.
but she's about to break.
She reached out,
but no one came,
tried to fake it,
but the pain stayed the same.
This girl, she called to you,
but you didn't care.
Something told you to help,
but you didn't dare.
What would the others say?
The ones who called her a freak.
They may taunt or shun you,
so you choose not to speak.
Then she decides to leave.
Because no one wants her here.
You'll never see her cry.
She'll never shed another tear.
I am not a stereotypeSlide the blade across your wrist.
"Doesn't it hurt?"
I can't feel anything.
Punch your own stomach.
Does it hurt yet?
"Why do you do that?"
The pain makes me feel alive.
"I don't know."
"What's wrong with you?"
I'm dead inside.
I'm just depressed.
Stare at your arms.
"What are you doing?"
I just have low self esteem.
I'm just human.
I'm just me.
Better Left Unsaid.You'll be a lawyer-
I'll be a writer.
You'll probably make more money but-
At least we'll both be doing things we love.
And we'll live on a farm,
Just like you always wanted and...
I want to marry you-
I can't imagine myself with anyone else.
But you don't know that.
We'd both laugh if I told you.
So it's better left unsaid.
I can see us staying up late...
Watching kiddie movies and eating chocolate ice cream.
And having candle lit dates on our bedroom floor-
Taco Bell, of course.
And on winter evenings, we'll curl up on the couch...
With hot chocolate...
As I read aloud to you-
From a book of my choice, of course.
But you don't know this...
You'd think I was weird if I told you.
So it's better left unsaid.
And one day we'll pick out a huge chair.
A chair for cuddling.
And when I'm sad-
You'll hold me in our chair...
And we'll both stay real quiet,
Taking each other in.
And eventually we'll start to talk-
Quiet murmurs at first...
Five Dads Five Dads
In this life I've had 5 dads
A story behind each one
In this life I've had 5 dads
All of them claimed to call me son
The first couldn't control his urges or desires
So he grabbed a women, and by force I was sired
To this day I look in the mirror,
and I see the scars of his past
I was a child never wanted, it was never meant to last
The second took me in, when I was cast out
He raised me and loved me, till a new wife came about
I guess it goes to show
That with affection you never know
What is real and what is fake
Even if a young boys heart is at stake
The third was a savage, that claimed protection and comfort
So my mother took him in, but only pain did he contort
The first month was great, everyone was happy
But then quickly the beatings
Ended every dream that was sappy
As the police car pulled away
My heart laid shattered and broken
But the story does not end
The fourth nightmare must be spoken
He claimed to be a man of honor and respect
But when he was
Sick.life slouches against the door
[i think i can hear it crying]
sickly grins lick my lips;
rub the undersides
of scream-sore throats
stained with the sweetest sort of bruise
screams all my own
swallowed in cotton lungs
pressure in my skull
fire in my veins
holding the skin i had
clinging tighter to fragility
and i just can't find
the strength to cry
the night stretches on for months
i shake like a leaf
I Found You BrokenI found you broken,
Crumbled, laying upon the steps of life.
I wanted nothing more than to help you back up.
You had fallen from so high so long before.
I'd give my soul to carry you back up.
But no matter how hard I try,
I can't budge or lift you up till you decide,
To stand by yourself,
And when you do, I swear I'll be back right here.
But do you mind,
Just sit and wait with you a while?
While we both have the time.
Love StinksWhen you are feeling sad
what's the sense in romantic songs?
Love is good, they say...
Did I learn it all wrong?
Heart is an attention whore,
love is a vanity game,
romantic stories are just lies -
Now cover your face, and hide the shame.
Forget the trifles and common sense,
remember this one thing:
No one cares about your feelings,
love is rotten and it stinks.
Digital CameraIn this digital screen
Is a picture of your face
You look so pretty and happy
Forever and always
I click the arrow over
And the camera shows a slide
It’s you and me together
But also that other guy
He always made me angry
I never liked him around
I screamed and fought with you
Which only brought us down
The photo changes again
But this time only us
We’re holding hands together
In the park out by the bus
I remember that night clearly
And the picture changed once more
It was like it was yesterday
That I found you on the floor
I screamed out your name
And tried to find my phone
But my hands were shaking badly
And I felt completely alone
The picture on the screen
Was of your grave
There were flowers and were people
And the memories in my brain
How could I not see
That you were never truly smiling
And that all along it was
Your hurt that you were piling
Maybe it was that guy
Or maybe it was me
Or maybe it was your job;
Perhaps your family
I glare into the screen
As a recording c
"What are you doing?"
Trying to escape.
Look behind you.
Are they there?
You'll never understand it.
Rip your hair out.
Cover your ears.
They want you to die.
They're out for you.
Shut the door.
Lock it again.
"Are you okay?"
You'll never make it.
Fall to the ground.
"What are you doing?"
"What are you going through?"
"What's wrong with you?"
... "I don't know."
I Need You.What if I need you to stop me?
What if I need you to stop me making myself sick for the fifth time today?
What if I need you to stop me running that razor across my wrist tonight?
But I've got to not need you anymore...
Where are you?
Where are you when I swallow all those pills?
Where are you when I run out of a classroom bursting into tears?
But you're not here for me anymore...
Who can I talk to?
Who can I talk to when I don't want to eat for four days?
Who can I talk to when I can't take things anymore?
But you don't really care anymore....
Who can give me that support?
Who's going to tell me it's okay to be scared?
Who's going to give me that hug when I'm shaking?
But not you, because my problems aren't your responsibility anymore...
But now I am alone.
And I can't feel this way.... Not anymore.
My past is a shadow,
It goes wherever I go
And when I die,
My shadow will dance
In the light of the world no more.
If Ever I Lost YouWhat weighs on your mind?
What's taking up your time?
You tell me not to worry and you swear you're really fine
Please open up to me
Tell me of your fears
You know I'll kiss the scars and I'll wipe away your tears
Don't keep it to yourself
You know you're not alone
I couldn't live my life without you ever coming home
I'd be so lost inside
I wouldn't recognize
The person that I see in the reflection of your eyes
Just tell me you're okay, and that you love me too
I don't know what I'd do
If ever I lost you…
The Connecticut Massacre.The Connecticut Massacre.
He was described as quiet, shy and socially awkward.
He was not the type to be loud, abrasive and forward.
He was highly intelligent and kept his thoughts to himself.
He didn't posses the tools to communicate with anyone else.
Whenever he spoke, his words felt forced and fake.
Who knew back then how many lives this man could take.
The realisation of his isolation was activated by the school premises.
He was never able to see his peers as friends but only as his nemeses.
But when he was home his alienation became none existent.
He was able to laugh and smile without any form of resistance.
The constant contrast in environments became too much for him to handle.
It was only an amount of time before he enacted some sort of immoral scandal.
After a confrontation at school he marched home to collect his mother's weapons.
His mother caught him in the act and tried to stop him as he reached for the second
Loaded rifle that was originally used as a source of family en
I was taught right from wrong I was taught right from wrong
By a murderer
I was taught truth from lies
By a magician
I was taught who my friends were
By my enemy
I was taught to be honest
By a professional liar
I was taught to always speak my mind
By being told to keep quiet
I was taught to be kind
By someone that beat me down
I was taught to smile
By someone who could never wipe a scowl of their face
I was taught to love
By being abused
I was taught to live
By someone who was already dead
I was taught to perform
By someone with stage fright
I was taught to be excellent
By someone that failed in everything
I was taught to rely on only my self
By being surrounded with people
I was taught to be perfect
By those that wanted to see me fail
I was taught to be loyal
By everyone that ever walked out of my life
I was taught to make people happy
By everyone who ever made me miserable
I was taught to control my temper
By those with explosive tempers
I was taught to take care of myself
By those who tried to kill me
I was taug