Creator's DesignEndlessis my brain.Forgivingis my heart.Limitedis my life.Certaintyis my death.Impossibleis my dream.Mysteryis the rest.
Discovering My InsideI don't want to die I need to liveI don't want to leave I have to stayI don't want to be alone But I need to find myself firstI don't like you I Love you
Faces Don't ChangeFlipping through primary school yearbooks,the faces of the children I grew up withare cemented in perfect, smiling innocence.Each page turn revives a memory of recess daysplaying Red Rover, best friends I thought I'dhave forever, and teachers that actually cared.But here come the Middle School yearbookswith motionless, black and white picturesof the awkward stage of pure adolescences.There's a picture of my first crushsmiling gleefully into the cameraas he tries his best to look perfect.To my left is the yearbook of Freshman yearwhere everyone's smile tried it's hardestto look natural, but still seemed faked.Green and gold was the color scheme of ourschool pride and everyone wore it proudlylike a knight's armor at every football game.Flipping back to my primary days foreverimmortalized in black and white, I start torealize that over time those people changed.There's the picture of my best friendwho feigned stupidity to get attention.Two down from her is the girl
LookDon't stop living.
Last YearsIn five years,four hearts became broken,three people's lives changed forever,two eyes leaked rainstorm tears,one little girl learned to grow up alone, andzero people will forget her.
Every Promise BrokenSinking down intothe mind's deep abyss,memories of nights passedscroll across my eyelids.Farther down I fall,the harder I struggle to breath.Your deep, brown eyes crowd my visionand replay every moment of us.The times you held my hand tightly,pulling me along,only drags me down further.There goes my sight as I am plungeddeeper into the darkness.I can no longer see your face,but your voice echoes throughout my ears,"I love you always and forever."Faster I dive until my ears pop,leaving me deaf.The first kiss you laid upon my lipssuffocates me as I remember your touch.My breath is stopped for so longthat my body forgets pain,becoming numb.All that is left is Nothingwhere I spend the rest of my timeremembering.
Promises Last A LifetimeOutside my car the rain continues to batter down upon the Earth. Seeming as though it's attempting to awaken the Dead below, I count the minutes until I arrive. Three more miles up the road and this will all come to an end. Is that what I honestly want?On the radio, men on the talk show broadcast, "-and that movie, John, will be coming out on August 22nd." Widened eyes, I pull the car over along the broken sidewalk. My chest heaves heavily up and down while it tries to allow the rest of my body to quiver. Tears fight to break through my closed eyelids. I can't let myself fall apart, not now, not again. Opening my eyes I stare and ahead of me the memory replays through a rain-covered windshield."Natalie! Come on! They're here!" Nathan shouted far ahead of me. I raced around the fallen trees with leaves reaching to grab me and over the trickling creek singing the forest’s lullaby, trying to keep pace with him. Nighttime clouded my vision causing me to only see within a few steps
Never DefeatedNothing leftNothing takenNothing ruinedexcept the world.All brokenAll shamedAll tatteredbut never beatenWe standWe screamWe continueto forever fight.
Demons HiddenI never knew true painuntil I looked into your eyes.Memories filmed in sepiawithin your bottomless pupils.Screaming voicesshatter the silence.Crying eyes,flood my sight.Blood paints the walls thickcrimson to match your own body.Screams he wants to silence.Tears he needs to dry.Blood he has to hide.Now disappear behind the wallsfrom where they were created.There was him,taken.Taken from the broken piecesfrom where he once grew.Now he walks heavy with demons at his back,waiting for them to strike at his own people,at me.
These Words Aren't PrettyThese Words Aren't Pretty:My verses are ugly and I admit to the factI can't use pretty language when I'm working with rapBecause the things that I write, are just the things that I feelI ain't an Edgar Allan Poe or a Danielle SteelAnd I'll be honest with you, I've got an envy insideBecause some poets got a flow that's as smooth as the tideI read some stuff that they write, it's just so dope I igniteBurning shame and my anger at the beautiful sightAnd like birds of a feather, they're flocking togetherThese poets are the Gods and I'm nailed by the weatherBut as the rain pours down, lightning resound;I try to write pretty words but my lips remain boundSo deeply silenced by fear - the darkness I hear,Afraid to be unloved by the ones I hold dearI've hit the limit of time; my lyrical crimeThese words that I've lived are just turning to grime.So I wish I had their talent; just a sliver of thatIf their skill was a mountain then I've broken my backIt's like t
You didn't dare.She smiled,but it was fake.She laughed,but she's about to break.She reached out,but no one came,tried to fake it,but the pain stayed the same.This girl, she called to you,but you didn't care.Something told you to help,but you didn't dare.What would the others say?The ones who called her a freak.They may taunt or shun you,so you choose not to speak.Then she decides to leave.Because no one wants her here.You'll never see her cry.She'll never shed another tear.
I am not a stereotypeSlide the blade across your wrist.Again.Again.Again.Stop."Doesn't it hurt?"I can't feel anything."A little."Punch your own stomach.Harder.Harder.Does it hurt yet?Yes.Keep going."Why do you do that?"The pain makes me feel alive."I don't know."Stare.Cry.Scream.Stop.Keep staring."What's wrong with you?"I'm dead inside."Nothing.""Emotional freak."I'm just depressed."Sorry."Stare at your arms.Your stomach.Your waist.Your thighs."What are you doing?"I'm ugly."Never mind.""Attention seeker."I just have low self esteem."I'm sorry."Cuts.Scars.Tears.Emotions."Emo.""Scene girl.""Psycho."I'm just human.I'm just me.
Better Left Unsaid.You'll be a lawyer-I'll be a writer. You'll probably make more money but-At least we'll both be doing things we love.And we'll live on a farm,Just like you always wanted and...I want to marry you-I can't imagine myself with anyone else.But you don't know that. We'd both laugh if I told you. So it's better left unsaid. I can see us staying up late...Watching kiddie movies and eating chocolate ice cream. And having candle lit dates on our bedroom floor-Taco Bell, of course. And on winter evenings, we'll curl up on the couch...With hot chocolate...As I read aloud to you-From a book of my choice, of course. But you don't know this...You'd think I was weird if I told you.So it's better left unsaid. And one day we'll pick out a huge chair.A chair for cuddling.And when I'm sad-You'll hold me in our chair...And we'll both stay real quiet,Taking each other in.And eventually we'll start to talk-Quiet murmurs at first...And eve
Five Dads Five Dads In this life I've had 5 dadsA story behind each oneIn this life I've had 5 dadsAll of them claimed to call me sonThe first couldn't control his urges or desiresSo he grabbed a women, and by force I was siredTo this day I look in the mirror,and I see the scars of his pastI was a child never wanted, it was never meant to lastThe second took me in, when I was cast outHe raised me and loved me, till a new wife came aboutI guess it goes to showThat with affection you never knowWhat is real and what is fakeEven if a young boys heart is at stakeThe third was a savage, that claimed protection and comfortSo my mother took him in, but only pain did he contortThe first month was great, everyone was happyBut then quickly the beatingsEnded every dream that was sappyAs the police car pulled awayMy heart laid shattered and brokenBut the story does not endThe fourth nightmare must be spokenHe claimed to be a man of honor and respectBut when he was
Sick.life slouches against the door[i think i can hear it crying]sickly grins lick my lips;rub the undersidesof scream-sore throatsstained with the sweetest sort of bruiseevery nerve--a softatrium flow;cuttingcapillariesscreams all my ownswallowed in cotton lungspressure in my skullfire in my veinsholding the skin i hadclinging tighter to fragilityand i just can't findthe strength to cryanymorethe night stretches on for monthsred.red.black. i shake like a leaf
I Found You BrokenI found you broken,Crumbled, laying upon the steps of life.I wanted nothing more than to help you back up.You had fallen from so high so long before.I'd give my soul to carry you back up.But no matter how hard I try,I can't budge or lift you up till you decide,To stand by yourself,Change yourself.And when you do, I swear I'll be back right here.But do you mind,If I,Just sit and wait with you a while?While we both have the time.
Love StinksWhen you are feeling sadwhat's the sense in romantic songs?Love is good, they say...Did I learn it all wrong?Heart is an attention whore,love is a vanity game,romantic stories are just lies -Now cover your face, and hide the shame.Forget the trifles and common sense,remember this one thing:No one cares about your feelings,love is rotten and it stinks.
Digital CameraIn this digital screenIs a picture of your faceYou look so pretty and happyForever and alwaysI click the arrow overAnd the camera shows a slideIt’s you and me togetherBut also that other guyHe always made me angryI never liked him aroundI screamed and fought with youWhich only brought us downThe photo changes againBut this time only usWe’re holding hands togetherIn the park out by the busI remember that night clearlyAnd the picture changed once moreIt was like it was yesterdayThat I found you on the floorI screamed out your nameAnd tried to find my phoneBut my hands were shaking badlyAnd I felt completely aloneThe picture on the screenWas of your graveThere were flowers and were peopleAnd the memories in my brainHow could I not seeThat you were never truly smilingAnd that all along it wasYour hurt that you were pilingMaybe it was that guyOr maybe it was meOr maybe it was your job;Perhaps your familyI glare into the screenAs a recording c
SchizophreniaSmile.Laugh.RunFaster.Faster.Stop."What are you doing?"Trying to escape."Nothing."Look behind you.Are they there?Shh.Shut up.Don't.Say.Anything."What's wrong?"You'll never understand it."Never mind."Scream.Scream louder.Rip your hair out.Cover your ears."Calm down."I can't."I'm sorry."They want you to die.They're out for you.Shut the door.Lock it.Unlock it.Lock it again.Hide.Shh."Are you okay?"I'm dying."I'm fine."You'll never make it.Freeze.Fall to the ground.Cry.Cry harder.Stop."What are you doing?"Dying."What are you going through?"Torture."What's wrong with you?"Everything.... "I don't know."
I Need You.What if I need you to stop me?What if I need you to stop me making myself sick for the fifth time today?What if I need you to stop me running that razor across my wrist tonight?But I've got to not need you anymore...Where are you?Where are you when I swallow all those pills?Where are you when I run out of a classroom bursting into tears?But you're not here for me anymore...Who can I talk to?Who can I talk to when I don't want to eat for four days?Who can I talk to when I can't take things anymore?But you don't really care anymore....Who can give me that support?Who's going to tell me it's okay to be scared?Who's going to give me that hug when I'm shaking?But not you, because my problems aren't your responsibility anymore...But now I am alone. And I can't feel this way.... Not anymore.
Shadowy MemoriesShadowy MemoriesMy past is a shadow,It goes wherever I goAnd when I die,My shadow will danceIn the light of the world no more.
If Ever I Lost YouWhat weighs on your mind?What's taking up your time?You tell me not to worry and you swear you're really finePlease open up to meTell me of your fearsYou know I'll kiss the scars and I'll wipe away your tearsDon't keep it to yourselfYou know you're not aloneI couldn't live my life without you ever coming homeI'd be so lost insideI wouldn't recognizeThe person that I see in the reflection of your eyesJust tell me you're okay, and that you love me tooI don't know what I'd doIf ever I lost you…
The Connecticut Massacre.The Connecticut Massacre.He was described as quiet, shy and socially awkward.He was not the type to be loud, abrasive and forward.He was highly intelligent and kept his thoughts to himself.He didn't posses the tools to communicate with anyone else.Whenever he spoke, his words felt forced and fake.Who knew back then how many lives this man could take.The realisation of his isolation was activated by the school premises.He was never able to see his peers as friends but only as his nemeses.But when he was home his alienation became none existent.He was able to laugh and smile without any form of resistance.The constant contrast in environments became too much for him to handle.It was only an amount of time before he enacted some sort of immoral scandal.After a confrontation at school he marched home to collect his mother's weapons.His mother caught him in the act and tried to stop him as he reached for the secondLoaded rifle that was originally used as a source of family en
I was taught right from wrong I was taught right from wrongBy a murdererI was taught truth from liesBy a magicianI was taught who my friends wereBy my enemyI was taught to be honestBy a professional liarI was taught to always speak my mindBy being told to keep quietI was taught to be kindBy someone that beat me downI was taught to smileBy someone who could never wipe a scowl of their faceI was taught to loveBy being abusedI was taught to liveBy someone who was already deadI was taught to performBy someone with stage frightI was taught to be excellentBy someone that failed in everythingI was taught to rely on only my selfBy being surrounded with peopleI was taught to be perfectBy those that wanted to see me failI was taught to be loyalBy everyone that ever walked out of my lifeI was taught to make people happyBy everyone who ever made me miserableI was taught to control my temperBy those with explosive tempersI was taught to take care of myselfBy those who tried to kill meI was taug
I Can't WriteI can't sleep.Reality is a nightmare I can't escape.I can't eat.Food lost its flavor long ago.I can't think.Voices are too loud.I can't breathe.Air became toxic.I can't live.Life is no longer possible.