I used to be the same way, I have it under control now, most of the time anyway. But don't you just hate how while you're doing it, you feel so much better, but then when you're done and you think about what you just did, you feel worse than before because you know its wrong, you know you shouldn't do it, you hate it, you hate cutting, you hate that word, but when the world comes down on you hard you have to do it again, and it just keeps cycling, keeping you in this rut....I know I hate it, but one day I know I'll be rid of the habit for good. I hadn't done it in a year and a half, and then I cracked two weeks ago, broke down and did it, but this time for real I swear I will NEVER do it again. You can do stop too, even if you slip sometimes, it's like a drug, it's an addiction and one day you WILL overcome it!!
thats exactly how i feel! the thought "i need to cut, i need to cut" runs through my head. when im cutting its a huge relief like nothing really matters. but the second i stop i look at the cuts. i just think "why did i do this? whats made me like this?" and it kills me to think that. i say i swear ill stop but not even a few days later something sets me off. its terrible but i think i can finally quit. im working on it.